"Painful Success" by Ann Fatima Tanchingco

“What for you is the essence of being a woman?” asked the host to the crowned 1994 Miss Universe, Sushmita Sen from India.

“I think being a woman, by itself, the very fact of that you are a woman is a gift of God which all of us must appreciate,” she confidently answered. “The origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman. A woman is someone who shares love and shows the man what loving, sharing and caring are all about.” Miss India boldly ended the final question and smiled.

Nine years after I witnessed the show, I was in my own pageant. My stage was a steel bed with iron bars on both sides for grasping. My audiences were the doctors, nurses, my husband and my mom. I was laying on a bed all swollen and weary ready to take my chance.

“Can you still push it harder?” I heard Doctor Mariz’s voice echoed in the back of my subconscious mind. She was persuading me to exert much force. It had been eight hours since the show started. I was exhausted. I was bathing on my own sweat and my gown was all wet and a little bloody. I felt the pain of unexplained torment rushing all over my body.

“Mr. Tanchingco, Mrs. Cenidoza,” my doctor caught the attention of my judges. “We’re doing our best to give what your wife’s/daughter’s request. She is insisting to have a natural childbirth. She doesn’t even want to be anesthetized. She’s a little stubborn but I admire her for being brave. We’re giving her few more hours and if the baby will not come out the normal way, we’re sorry but we have to transfer her to caesarean section. The baby is too big for her. ” she explained politely.

My husband and my mom who were with me in the room couldn’t decide. I was being hard-headed. I wanted to experience the moment of life and death, the moment of my own pageant. Say I was being stubborn as a daughter, proving to my mom that I could bear all the pain. I believed that I could do it without the help of sedatives that my mom used to have when I was inside her. I knew I was being selfish too, as a lover, taking all those unexplainable aches and sores that I was agonizing right at that moment all by myself. Although from the very start, he wanted me to have painless delivery but I resisted. What I solely knew then was I must be brave for my baby, as a becoming mother. I wanted to be with him and feel him on me. With every passing minute, the contractions became more often and painful, more revealing. I stood still with my decision.

Few hours later, it was time to my final ramp. Instead of a catwalk, I did a deafening cat cry. I felt the unbearable pain pinching all throughout my senses.

“Now push, Ann, push” I clearly absorbed what my doctor said. For that very time, I exerted the last effort that I could and blew it hard. Then, I felt my baby, slowly slipping out on me. It seemed that a thin thread separated me from my being an ordinary woman to a mother; a no-ordinary lady had been unleashed. Suddenly, I heard his first cry, sounded like a thousand angels singing in my ears. I felt relieved. I felt complete.

“Your baby is a healthy boy. Congratulations!” Doctor Mariz declared on a sparkling beam before me and my husband.

“Thank you Lord!” I calmly prayed. Finally, it’s over. I sighed and suddenly felt heaviness on my eyelids. After long hours of battling through life and death, I surrendered myself to forty winks, teary-eyed but fulfilled. Now I can rest. I won. I couldn’t believe that I gave life to another human being to live. He is my crown. My little angel is my living proof of a painful success that made me whole and complete. After that night, it would be another me, another mission to fulfill, another reason to live—being a Mother.