Tuesday, March 8, 2011

"A Bond That Could Never Be Broken" by Kristelle Venegas

I remember it like it was yesterday, August 26, 2004. It was a blistering hot summer morning; I was sitting on my front porch basking in the sunshine. I remember not knowing how to feel. Was I anxious, happy, scared, or excited? I guess it was safe to say I was all of the above. After all I was in labor with my first child and not to mention I was two days past my due date. At this point I was barely beginning labor so I was not in an abundance of pain, but talking about uncomfortable and annoying, it felt as if someone was sticking my belly with a needle. My contractions were about ten minutes apart so just when I began to relax from the last contraction another one would begin. The closer the contractions came the more distressed I became, the pain became intolerable. By the tightening of my abdomen cramping and the ache that traveled from my lower abdomen to my lower back, I knew it was time to go to the hospital. It was midafternoon; I told my mom that it was time!

My mom grabbed my overnight bag; I packed as if I were going to be gone for a while. The bag was loaded with baby clothes, diapers, wipes, and just a few changes of clothes for me. She put it in the trunk, me and my daughter’s father piled in the car and left. The hospital was only six miles away from my house but the drive there was agony, it felt more like a two hour ride through hell. When I arrived I was filled with adrenaline and excitement the pain had seemed to subside. Until I was took up to the delivery room and hooked up to all of the monitoring machines, the constant beeping of the monitors, the glaring lights and the pungent scent of disinfectant in the room it became reality, I was going to be a mother.

My mind began to race a million miles an hour, my heart was pumping so fast and hard that it felt like it was going to come out of my chest, and the excitement and happiness dwindled down and became fear. Could I do this? I asked myself, knowing I really did not have a choice, there was no turning back now she was about to come whether I was ready or not. I wasn’t just questioning the delivery but myself as well, was I ready to be a mother? I filled myself with doubt. Thank goodness my parents, my two aunts and my daughters dad were there to help me with their encouraging words and support, I could not have done it alone.

I looked out the window and saw that it was dark; this was an all-day event. I felt like it was talking forever for her to arrive, however the pain had consumed me so much that time was nothing. Just then I felt the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life, it felt as if I was going to explode, as my mother called for the nurse. The nurse came in with her light blue scrubs, her hair pulled back with a cap on it, and a face mask. She told me she going to examine me to see if I was ready to deliver. She sat on an examining chair in front of me, pulling out the awful smelling rubber gloves. I watched as she put them on, snapping them as she was done, and said, “You are ready; let me go get the doctor”. All I remembered from this point on was wishing for it all to be done and over with. The doctor came in. I expected her to come in, in a long white lab coat, like they show on T.V. shows but she was not, instead she looked like all the other nurses there, in her scrubs, hair cap, and rubber gloves. The only thing that separated her from nurses was that she had a shield over her face. Seeing the doctor sitting in front of me I knew it was just a matter of time before I would be introduced to this person that had been growing inside of me for the past nine months. This was frightening but at the same time very exciting, and I could not wait.

Finally I heard her cry, she was here. The doctor asked “So what are we naming her?” Jazzilyn Amirah I answered. My parents, my daughters dad, and my aunts surrounded the bed, we sang happy birthday. The nurse took her away to clean her up, everyone followed behind her ecstatically and ready to take pictures. When she brought her back to me and put her in my arms this was the most amazing feeling, I was overwhelmed with emotions, I was filled with bliss, and felt a great deal of accomplishment. This was my daughter, it was love at first sight, and she was so beautiful it was breathtaking. Her perfect round head full of black hair, her slanted eyes, and her full heart shaped lips. When we made eye contact there was an instant bond, a mother, daughter bond a bond that could never be broken.