"Dad" by Ben Bressler

Dad! When I was growing up as a child you were everything to me. Yet, I was so scared of you! I always wondered if my loving father was going to come in and be the happy amazing father or the crazy raging beast that threw us around like rag dolls yet moments later would treat us like gold. You would have this look of rage yet the next minute would Throw the ball around with max and I on those hot summer nights till we couldn’t play any more or you would take us to Home Depot and buy us hand tools to start are own manly collections of tools. From my first hammer and tool belt to my firstst yellow and black Philips head screw driver that I treated as if it was the hope diamond. Even taking randi and Jamie to the mall and buy them that pair of lady bug earings they thought they couldn’t live without so you payed top dollar. Better yet chasing away the boy that were annoying them, of course with the help of max and i. Dad! I know you loved Randi, Jamie, Max and I, there is no doubt in any of our minds.

Its crazy how thing work out I mean the fact is I hadn’t seen you since my eyes were level with your chest, around 7 years ago. That’s when I thought I would have a beter life living with mom and bill so around late june of 2003 I decided it would be in my best interst for me to leave santa Fe. And that really was around the last time we smoke consistently. But it wasn’t till early 2009 when you and I stopped talking right after jasmine and I got married. Things Happen I knew that! But I knew we would talk again soon in fact I told myself just three months ago don’t bother calling him in two months you will be in Denver just go to Santa Fe and see him in perso, it will mean so much more.

When I got the call on July 27 2010 my heart sunk like a rock in a pond. I was stunned I couldn’t think I was unable to function. I kept driving to my bartending class got there it was around six pm I sat down and waited almost 20 minutes for class to start. I wasn’t sure what to do I wasn’t sure how to react. I have had this happen before, but not so someone like this not without closer not with these doors leading to nowhere swinging with no end in sight. Finally the girl next to me asked what was wrong you seem so out of it. I stopped and looked up right in to her blue eyes and said yes something is wrong my, my, my father he um… well he passed away. And before I could say anything else this hefty woman had me in a bear hug that I just could not nor wanted to stop. That was when it hit me like a bag of bricks going forty miles an hour right at my heart. I would never see you again.

Never in my life, even though I have done some seriously high quality idiotic things have I had regret until now! Yet there is nothing that I can do to change this one. there is nothing that I can do to take it back, but what I can do is learn from it and realize that I should always speak my mind, always tell people how I feel and show my loved ones that undeniable affection! For that is what I should have done for that is what we would have done for each other. Everyone asks me how I am ok and why am I not mad it is because I know that you were stubborn yet now you’re looking down and simply asking for a fold. Well dad, I except, we both messed up let’s start again I will always love you till end.

March ninth 2009 was the last time that you and I spoke. At the time it didn’t see so long but now that I can’t make it up it seems never ending. I feel that every breath I take is one you are helping me with and every step I take you making sure it’s the right one. I feel that ever since you have been gone I’ve had an extra eye watching me. I don’t know how else to say it but I miss you and I will keep living with you thank you dad rest in peace.