"My Turn" by Natasha Rugley

I have always wanted to be a mother. I can remember watching the film “Look Who’s Talking.” The roles of the talking babies were so adorable. The movie aroused a maternal desire in me and put a comical spin on unexpected pregnancy. My friends and family were all having babies and yet I was still childless. My mother and my best friend had even been pregnant at the same time. Feelings of incompleteness as an adult women dwelled in me deeply. I was getting older and still had produced no seed. I was in a long-time relationship with my high school sweetheart and he too wanted a child with me as we were both at our happiest in our relationship. My boyfriend and I were crazy in love. I felt ready to start a family with him.
One day he asked me, “What would you do if I got you pregnant?”

I told him that, “I would be in dream state of mind.” I thought to myself, he really loves me and I wanted so much to become a mother. I made an appointment with my gynecologist, and on my visit to the doctor, I told her I wanted to get pregnant.
Her council was a series of questions and concerns, “Are you sure you want this?”
At that time I thought I was ready to become a mother, I thought I wanted it more than anything in this world. It was not long after that visit my body went through changes. I was no longer using birth control; I and my boyfriend were definitely raising the odds of me becoming pregnant. Even though we were high school sweethearts, he was a two timing, unfaithful player and so we broke up. Now that my ex-boyfriend and I had separated, my desire of becoming a mother faded. We keep in touch by phone calls.

He would ask, “Did you take a pregnancy test yet?”

“Why do you keep asking me this, I am not pregnant.” I replied with an attitude.
I was sure I was not pregnant even though I did not feel like myself. My sense of smell had changed; the smell of fast food would make me want to puke. When I was around my ex-boyfriend the scent of his cologne that any woman would find seducing, repulsed me.

My ex-boyfriend began to repeat daily, “You’re pregnant!”

I did not believe his words and thought to myself, he does not know my body, I am not pregnant, and I cannot get pregnant. One night I went into a Subway, one of my favorite spot to dine and the instant I walked inside, the smell of the fresh bread crawled inside my nostrils and turned my stomach upside down. Suddenly I knew something was different, something was wrong with me. I quickly put my hand to my mouth as if I were going to vomit in my hand. I placed my order to go and when I walked outside the clear, fresh, night air was like breathing for the first time and relieved me from the smells that sicken me. That is when it hit me,

“Oh my God I’m pregnant,” and I grab my belly and looked down at it.

On my way home from Subway I stopped by the store to buy a pregnancy test. When I got home I went straight to the bathroom and proceeded to follow the instruction on the box. I was not even finished urinating on the test strip when the result came back positive. There was the proof finally, I was really pregnant. I was actually going to become a mother. I called my ex- boyfriend and like a vision he already knew. He took me to the doctors not to support me, but just to confirm his suspensions.

I thought that I would have a happy life together with my ex-boyfriend. I had hoped to have support and a family, but he showed no love. I was two months pregnant and the beginning of motherhood was not the way I expected. I realized I was alone and my ex-boyfriend abandoned me and his unborn child. When I wanted to become pregnant I thought it to be a happily ever after fairly tale, but it turned out to be a hurtful experience.

Yet even though my relationship was broken and torn, there still was a light of hope and joy of becoming a mother. The life growing inside my body distracted me from all that was going wrong. When I was pregnant I was a different person no matter if my life took unexpected loops, it did not concern me because I had my baby that I prayed to God for. A little life was growing in my belly and I could not wait to bring her into the world and in my arms.