"Nickname" by Oahn Nguyen

When I am done all my works, I often open my Yahoo! Messenger and always status available to everyone with a status. And then I check with who is available and with the hope that I can see the light on of someone’s nickname…

I knew him from Yahoo! Messenger. At first we were just friends. However, after we talked so long time, we loved each others. We loved with long distance because he lives in San Jose and I live in Denver.

He often told me that he really liked to read my status. He said he felt warm and how tired from his works were lost. Furthermore, he felt that I always beside him like I am whisper in his ear. But, I always told him:
“Someone is crazy if they like my status because when I am sad or happy, angry or hate someone, I will bring up my status. My friends always complained that I was so weird when they read my status.”

“Maybe I am crazy, but I like to read your status”- He smiled.

Our love was normal. That was nothing called a "dramatic" as the emotional drama on the television or novels. We just talked, or sometimes he came to Denver or I came to San Jose that we took trip to go somewhere. That’s all we had.

Everything had passed away in peaceful as it should be so. Not a bit worried or bothered ripple of anger.

One day, Linh – my best friend told me
“You should create something that makes your love more interested”

“Why should I do it? Everything is ok right now”

“I know being quiet is good, but you should create dramatic situations to create the flavor of love instead!”

“How can I do it”- I asked her.

“You should create a situation to challenge him”

“I think I should not to do it because we absolute trust each other” - I shook my head

“No, this is not affected with trust or suspect. Simply determine the exact percentage rate that you own in his heart”- Linh shrugged her shoulders.

“How should I do?”

Linh whispered adjacent my ear. My face stretched in every word Linh said...

I started to create a sweet nickname and download software that I can use two different nicknames in Yahoo! Messenger to avoid his suspect. I added him with my new nickname and also wrote two verses that he liked in the status, and I was a bit nervous to waiting his acceptance. After two minute I received acceptance from him. I felt my heart is very tie. I did not believe my eyes. He told me that he just added people who he knows. And now, he added just because two verses in status.
I decided to stop, but I did know why I could not do that, and I kept talking to him with my new nickname. May be because I was so curious how is going.

Through the new nickname, I was so surprised about him. He usually used sweet words when he chatted to my new nickname.

“I was almost online whole night last night, I wished you be there.”
…
“I miss you”
…
“I miss you like crazy. Please give me a chance to meet you in real life”
…
“I was always thinking about you. I miss you”
…
I was crying when I read these. Clearly, he sent it to me, but I know it was not for me.

I told Linh about him. She said:
“Do not be sad. Most of men like that; it is not only your man”

“How should I do?”- I asked her with tear

“You should talk to him seriously”

I planned to talk to him when he came to Denver. However, when I was not talking to him yet, he saw the conversation about my new nickname and he when I chatted to him. I always saved the conversation with hope that will be evidence that he cheated me.

So now, I was very resumed my face when he read it. I stammered:
“I…I just wonder...”

He just walked away and said nothing to me. I tried to contact to him too many times, but everything was hopeless. I was online every night with the hope that he will be online and I will have a chance to talk and explain to him.

Day after day, I received nothing from him…

Four years ago, I have never seen his nickname on although just one time…

I am online everyday and have written the status with the hope that he can read it.
I still remembered last time he told me “When in love, they must trust your partner. Never ever use test people in love at all.”

I do not know who is in fault. He lied or I was stupid to challenge him. Right now I do not want to find out the answer.

I know too late apologize, but I still hope I can meet him and say sorry to him.